Bone Cancer

It was the only time where I was left behind… I can’t follow him to be with his robotics team in Bintulu again… so, he left me alone for two days already… and only will be back home, which is in another four days… and I was kind of boring, being leaving alone… so, I decided to have few shopping with my sisters and friends… and have a walked with them around Kuching… Besides, he allowed me doing so… So that I will never get bored…

His only terms and conditions will be… no sexy-sexy… and no naughty naughty… and make sure no guys when hanging out with friends… also not losing in his radar… and it’s easy… I can easily followed it all… and make good use of this chance… So, hanging out with friends and family was fun….

There was one day, I hanged out with my family during an evening… we went to the Spring for shopping… and my mum and dad was with me… together with my sister… I mean my youngest sister… Knowing about the spending amount my mum estimated for us both, we have the very huge smiles on face… and was really excited to shop around the mall…

Nearly reached the mall, my sister suddenly pointed to my nose, and yelling saying that my nose is bleeding… and suddenly  I fainted…When  I woke up, I was already on the bed… Hospital bed, and already in a ward… I opened my eyes and saw my parents were talking to doctor.. and I saw my dad was crying… and they left me behind with the doctor…

The doctor approached me… and asked about my conditions… I said, I’m feeling good and wanted to go home… and I asked him, why my parents left me and cried? The doctor said, that they were asked not to approached me for a few moments… just to make sure I’m very well enough, than they can enter in… I was kind of sad to hear that… When I saw my dad was crying, I felt very sad… It’s my weakness to see him cry… *sad*

So, the doctor gave me my medical reports, and I was wondering about what happened… and he explained everything… He said, I am having Bone cancer… and the chances of living after operation only 10%… i was shocked!!!! I never thought of this… and I kept on saying to the doctor that he was just trying to joke with me… but nope… I was wrong… he explained and showed me everything… and I cried… and cried… what came across to mind was my dad… with his tears… and I started to cry heavily…

I asked the doctor to leave me alone… I just could not believe it I am having bone cancer after all I thought I only experiencing scholiosis… *sighs*… So, I called Cyril just to make myself happy… I was kind of unhappy with the situations where I lied to him… when he asked about my conditions, I said I was okay… when he asked where am I, I lied to him, saying I’m at home… laying down on bed… Why did I do that? He was away… and I just don’t want him to be worried of my conditions…

Day after day…. The day where Cyril will be back in Kuching… he was so happy… and kind of tak sabar to see me… I was still lying to him… I pretended to be fine… until, he was home… and called me, that he wanted to pick me from my parents’ house… and that, in cyring tone, I s being honest to him… I explained everything to him… I told him I lied about me at home… but actually been few days in hospital… and I even told him about my bone cancer… and he was so shocked and he cried on the phone…he was sad about me pretending to him… and he was sad to know he was the last person to know about my health conditions… the only words I could say to him was, “sorry”…. and I cried… saying how much I need him during the moments… and asked him not to leave me any more… we both cried and cried… and he suddenly said, he was on his way so hospital to see me… I was so happy with that… So happy to have him around…

When he reached there, my parents were there too… and fortunately, they were allowed to see me in that ward… my parents were still crying… and Cyril’s eyes were still red…  he looks very sad over my condition… and I could not stand it… I cried and asked him to hug me tight… during that moment, I kept on whispering to his ear, not to leave me again for few times… in crying voice, he said, he will never leave me again… never!!! I was happy to hear that and hugged him so tight for few minutes… while my parents were watching us and crying….

Few days at hospital, Cyril accompanied me… took turns with my maid and my mum… but most of the time, I was accompanied by Cyril… I was kind of happy when lots of people were coming to see me… I felt a bit entertained when they came to me… They tried so hard making me laughs… and some even made me cried… With all the good lucks wishes from them, I felt blessed…

On the day I will be operated, Cyril was there with me… even my family…. niece and nephew… sisters and brothers… they were all there… I remembered, when I was taken away from them, and brought to the operation teater, my mum screamed out loud… and I saw my dad hugged my mum tightly and asked her to calm down… both of them were crying… Cyril watched me being taken by the nurses with his red eyes… Controlling himself from crying in front of me… He even said to me few minutes before the nurses took me to be brave… and he wants me to be fully cure… and he wants me to go home… I cried and cried… and told him, I really hope so… I really hope I could make it, and go home… and accompany him… And we started to cry again and again… I saw no tears since I entered the operation room…

Few hours later, I found my body felt so weak… and my vision seemed to be so blur… and I could not really see anything… later that, I found Cyril were trying to fully wake me up… and I finally sees his face… He was crying!! and has been few hours sleeping next to me, waiting for me to awake… I was so happy to see him… He tried to make me comfortable…and tried making me felt a bit better… He gave me water to drink and everything…

Suddenly, I felt my vision becoming blur and blur.. and I felt like my head was spinning and spinning… and I scared… I screamed and screamed… Cyril ran to see the doctor… and  all doctors and nurses were coming and trying hard to keep me stable… but then I became unconscious…

Then again, I woke up… and saw, lots of people were in my room at the hospital… and mostly all of them were crying… and then, I saw myself being tied with all fuses connecting my nose, mouth and everything… And according to what I hear, I could not breathe with no support… meaning, without all fuses, I’ll be dead… I was so sad to hear that… and never thought my live would be that short… and I cried… Cyril tried hard to make me calm, but I refused it when he tried to hug me… And he whispered into my ears… saying that I’ll be fine… and I’ll be back home… he even mentioned about my promises to him… And that made me bacame more sad, and cried… I hugged him tight… and never want to let him go…

Then again, I felt like my head was spinning again and again… and I breathless… I became so weak… and weak… and my heart felt like burning… The doctor came and checked me… and said, I could not be saved any more… and it was my time to go… and after that, I could hear all the people were shouting and crying out loud… during that I heard someone’s phone ringing… Using the Michael Jackson’s song… You’re not Alone… and that I woke up… and realized it was just a dream…Thank God!!!

Yeah, it was only a dream.. and I hope it would not come true… will never come true… I woke up crying on my bed… and when I think of it, I will surely cry… even when I story this to Cyril, I cried… why? I just could not help myself to cry when seeing other people cry because of  me… :)

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