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Yeah… for this first time, I once again felt like a shit… I’m sure of the reason… I can feel, I am no different with other cats… I can feel that once in this life time, I felt very much low… There is proof and what ever I said, it changes nothing…Proofs are there… Even how loud do I swear and even how worst do I cry… I feel so ashamed of every thing… of every one…

Some one whom I hate so much… but the proofs said I was wrong… I know it was not me… and I never want to chase something not belongs to me… But yeah, they have it the proof… And I have nothing but tears… I can say, my word means nothing compared to those proofs…

I can feel it the way people looking at me… They look at me like I am a jerk… a type of person whom you people shoud not trust too… I’ve been scolded because of this… and I feel so much down… I wanted to cry… but no more tears to drop down… I felt like to shout, but will this change everything? I wanted to run away of this, but will I be happy? yeah… I am wondering on what to do next…

I felt guilt… even it’s not my fault… but yeah, who will trust me, when they have it the proofs…… Shit….. I can feel it… No one will trust me anymore… Even how loyal I am…the proof proves the shit-in me… Fcuk!

This maybe a bit personal I am writting here..but yeah… I think it’s not that personal though… So I wanted to write about it here…

I am not in the mood, am not that well enough and I even not sure what am I thinking about… My mind is messy…. All the “data” seems not in their own place… It’s anywhere in mind… Semua nya berserabut…

For the first time in my life, I felt like a shit… And for the first time in my life, I felt this… And for the first of everything, I found myself hard to decide on something…. and for the first time in mylife, I think every of the sequences on everything I will done… Usually, I will decide something without thinking the effects, but now, which makes me more harder to decide…

What the hell is happening to me? There are people chasing me out there… NON-STOP!!!! and that, I kept on running and running avoiding him… but then, nothing happened… It just not stopped at all… they keep on and still on chasing me… wanting me on this and that… even though I’ve told them I don’t want to be with them… or I don’t want to follow what they’ve said…. It annoys me so much…. When I reached home during my visits for holidays, my family will inform me, ths and that did called me…. everytime I reached home, as in no other news I should listen instead of the person….

Then, I can’t hardly out… even staying at home… Knwoing they will come looking for me at house… or knowing I might bump into them while outing… You know how it feels? Feel like a shit, when I have my own life, but I have to control my own life because of them…. It sucks when you want to go somewhere but the canceled just because of the worry-ness you will run into them… Damn!

What they actually want from me? They want me, to be with them again…. Engaging and when the time comes, getting married…. Silly right????? They’re forcing me… and putting pressure on me… It’s a big burden on me…. When I realized I’ll be alone, nothing else on mind… I will start to think how can I avoid him if so? Even though I am not living with my parents again, they still come to my house as in they still very confident I am still living with my parents… Crazy right????

I just don’t know…. Don’t know what to do…. Highlighting here….cause I know he will be reading this… I am going to Bintulu with Cyril, and I hope he will stop what ever he is doing… It’s not only troubling me, but also my family… enough is enough!!! When I said it’s over, I really meant it… we’re over and stop chasing me like I’m yours!!!! It’s been two years since the day I asked for the break up… so stop it!!!

After a long consideration, I agreed being away from home,and requested to be at Pasir Pandak beach yesterday evening… Without much questions and discussions, Cyril answered me yes…

I wanted to stay away from house, as I feel a bit uneasy with the coming of uninvited guest… I just want to avoid that orang gila yang tak tahu malu…. so,the best place will be Pasir Pandak… Besides, Cyril owes me his time… He was busy with his robotics teams for these few days back, and I felt a bit isolated by his attentions… huhuhuhuh so, it’s now time for him to pay his debts…  LOL

Journey to Pair Pandak was not that great… With heavy down pouring rain, I felt a bit give up to continue the trip… I was very sure the beach too was raining… But I was wrong… Reached there with sunny day environment showered us… With loads of people on the beach… some were swimming, and even played football beach… some just strolling down the beach…

Walking around the beach was not that easy when you’re asked to be a model… yeah, I was his model for the day… Cam-whored the whole beach… It’s just fun… I felt blessed with the situations… Leaving Kuching with heavy down poured but having green lights whenever reached traffic lights, but reached there with full of shiny sun showering the whole place… The weather was not that hot and the place was not that too crowded….  The sunset too was picturesque…

Cyril was kind of happy with himself… I enjoyed so much that time… We ran catching each other, I jumped on his back, and asked him to bring me by his back around the beach… He jumped like a superman, but I cam-whored of his instead of jumping too… it was just nice… planned nothing, but I am glad we could make ourselves happy on the beach…. We mostly ran and walked, and only sit down for a few minutes… I could say, I was still happy until now, remembering of what we did on the beach… With tonnes of problems in mind, I could just forget it while enjoying my time with him…

Next time, I would like to swim around Camp Permai… I felt a bit jealous to see people bathing in the sea… I maybe allergic to the sea, but I just love it so much being around the beach… next target will be Camp Permai… Not only walking down the beach, but bathing too… I want to do so!!! Long time I have not doing it…

Hahahahaha I’ve got nothing and don’t know what to update about… Blogging seems boring nowadays…. Being in a hectic days, It just no awesome to blog… I live in people’s cares… I mean, I have to consider this and that on what I should and should not post about… That is BULLSHIT!!!! caused me lost my interest in blogging… Damn!!!

Yeah… this maybe harsh…. The tiltle for my post about few harsh words I don’t really like to use and people use it to me… I maybe sometimes using it(sorry), but then I will for sure regrets on using it… I’m not sure why, but for me, I just hate it the words… It’s dirty, shows you’re in a very bad manner, uncivilzed… and so on… Myabe me too sometimes categorized as that… LOL cos sometimes I used it too even in my post… hahahaha

okay,okay…. I can accept people using these few words if I know they were very **** angry… (I don’t want to use it again LOL)… but some people,let say one of my friend… that dirty words will never stop coming out from her mouth… Ada saja nak di curse dia tu…. and sometimes, I feel a little bit uneasy with her… just because of her words…

Some people too will said, apa la amiey tok… bukan nya terok ney pun words ya… but this is me… Not to say I am a good girl… but For me, the word is harsh, and should not be used unless you’re angry… I know sometimes, how mad you’re it’s sometimes hard to control what you going to say… so, being with me around, you should know what you should not say…

These are few words my friend always say in front of me, which will turn my mood spoiled even though she didn’t mean to use it to me… She maybe use it when she drpped off something… but I just hate it….

She always use Fuck, kimak, sial, cibai…. and even the dirties word which part where only girls own it… you know what I mean??? She will say it out, even in the crowd the name of the ladies part… I maybe look okay, but I know my mood will turned bad  then… She is a girl some more… when a girl saying that so much, I feel like, she is not a girl… And a girl should be more careful with what they’re saying… This is me… I hate those whom keep saying bad words… Huhuhuu

What else? she will too say the boy’s part… yeah, again… even in the crowd… you see, how bad is that?  some people might say, this show on how sporting she is… for me,yeah… she is so sporting… but when it comes to too much and even could not cover her mouth in the crowd, it’s no more sporting… it’s totally insane… I just can’t help myself to scold my friend if she were to use that kind of words… she too loves displaying her middle finger… And when she shows it, she will say FUCK!! you see, how harsh is that… and I hate it so much!!!!

If my friend is reading this… you can scold me or what… I jsut want you to stop using those in front of me… or just stop using it… you’re a lady now… and should be more matured about this… so, please, stop it… if you always use this words in front of me, no wonder soon we will fight just because of this… you know how I hate so much that kind of words, I hope you can stop using it my Dear friend…. please, no offence…

I found this on Facebook… I am invited to join group asking the Facebook admins to delete few groups related to this…. Which is, embarrassing other religions…. From what I see, those creator of these groups, are the one whom don’t believe in the existing of God…

They even created their own religions which based on no Gods… and Invited other poeple from the whole world through Facebook… I maybe invited to support so that the Facebook admins delete the F*** Islam group, but now, I am writting about all religions… If could, I am not only begging the Facebook admins to delete the F*** Islam group, but together delete the other as long as it related to embarasse other religions…

Facebook is a great social network I’ve ever signed up for…. but when it comes to these kind of things, I feel unsafe in Facebook… These few things will cause trouble not only to our contry but to the whole world… Because it’s not only embarrassing Islam,too with Christian, Buddhist and so on….

For me, religion nothing related to force… If you don’t believe, then you should just keep it to yourself… You don’t have to humiliate other people religions… take yourself in people’s positions…. IF you’re a Muslim, and your religion got humiliated by others, how would you feel? You’ll be angry right??? what happen then will be, this people from that religion hates that people from this religion… when it spreads, who will suffer?? the whole world guys!!!! So, if you really hate one religion, you should just left the religion and try not to talk bad about the religions… Every religions are good, but sometimes, people in that religions misunderstood the concept of the religions and this maybe cause some uneasy feeling among other in other religions…

I am higlighting this, to Facebook admins, I hope you will block this kind of groups… It just bad to see the best social networks having such a dirty and damaging group to people… It just simple, delete and block all the groups related to embarassing religions… It’s for the good future though….

Check this out:
1. Fuck Islam
2. Fuck Catholicsm
3. Fuck Buddhism
4. Idgasticism
5. Fuck Christianity
6. Fuck Jesus Christ

Updating the deleted last post on amieymisme

If you guys notice, there was one latest post I made before this, but now, no more… I have deleted it as it was too personal… I think I should just keep it by myself… but thanks to Willie and Deedee for commenting… Really appreciate what you guys said…

I have not updated this blog since the revealing post… I think I should do something… it’s hard to think the topic to be updated… Haiya…

Oh yeah, about Digi… I’ve changed to new number since I could not stand of people stalking and disturbing me… thought to have new number which will be choose by me and number related to me, but then, canceled… frust but never mind… it was just a number…

Boring post by me… to all friends and fellow bloggers whom still keep my old number in their saves, you may ask Cyril about my new number if you need to contact me…

All I could say, this time I will be picky in who can keep my number… even you’re my best friend… sometimes, best friend hardly to be trusted… I have asked Cyril to consider people whom asking about my number… surely, other bloggers and friends are allowed but certain friends should be re-consider… I am so much worry I will be disturbed again in the future… I aimed this will be the last time I changed number…

So, this is the best way… avoiding too many people to know about my new number… even my own family… well, sometimes my sister gave my number to her friends whom admiring me… that silly!! People whom are asking Cyril about my new number will be discussed by us whether we could trust the person or not… I’m still in Digi line and I no more interested in 87 at the end numbers…

To all my ex-classmates, you may ask me about my number in our class Friendster account… but too, it’s up to me whether I will give it to you or not… besides, you all maybe knew my house phone number, any thing, you may call my house phone…

Oh yeah, what do you think…? I worked in Hilton few months ago right? I quit my work over few things especially Richard sexual harassment… which was at first called the shop and even knew my name… asking for an outing and even sex with him… the next day, he went to the shop and met my friend and asked about me… so,who should I blame on? My tauke or my colleague? Who do you think will mostly give my details to this sex maniac? He knows my name on the first call he made… he even know where the shop were… so? my tauke? Or my colleague were the one whom revealed about me until I am disturbed until this much… and plus, nowadays I heard my grandma’s complaint there are my male friend always calling me using the house phone… and who knows, this sex maniac has known my house phone number… that’s why I am asking for the readers opinion… would have my tauke or my colleague are doing this? I mean, revealing about my details….

How would you feel if someone is interfering in your personal life even the person got nothing to do or related to your life? Me? I feel very damn mad…

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