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Yeah… for this first time, I once again felt like a shit… I’m sure of the reason… I can feel, I am no different with other cats… I can feel that once in this life time, I felt very much low… There is proof and what ever I said, it changes nothing…Proofs are there… Even how loud do I swear and even how worst do I cry… I feel so ashamed of every thing… of every one…

Some one whom I hate so much… but the proofs said I was wrong… I know it was not me… and I never want to chase something not belongs to me… But yeah, they have it the proof… And I have nothing but tears… I can say, my word means nothing compared to those proofs…

I can feel it the way people looking at me… They look at me like I am a jerk… a type of person whom you people shoud not trust too… I’ve been scolded because of this… and I feel so much down… I wanted to cry… but no more tears to drop down… I felt like to shout, but will this change everything? I wanted to run away of this, but will I be happy? yeah… I am wondering on what to do next…

I felt guilt… even it’s not my fault… but yeah, who will trust me, when they have it the proofs…… Shit….. I can feel it… No one will trust me anymore… Even how loyal I am…the proof proves the shit-in me… Fcuk!

This maybe a bit personal I am writting here..but yeah… I think it’s not that personal though… So I wanted to write about it here…

I am not in the mood, am not that well enough and I even not sure what am I thinking about… My mind is messy…. All the “data” seems not in their own place… It’s anywhere in mind… Semua nya berserabut…

For the first time in my life, I felt like a shit… And for the first time in my life, I felt this… And for the first of everything, I found myself hard to decide on something…. and for the first time in mylife, I think every of the sequences on everything I will done… Usually, I will decide something without thinking the effects, but now, which makes me more harder to decide…

What the hell is happening to me? There are people chasing me out there… NON-STOP!!!! and that, I kept on running and running avoiding him… but then, nothing happened… It just not stopped at all… they keep on and still on chasing me… wanting me on this and that… even though I’ve told them I don’t want to be with them… or I don’t want to follow what they’ve said…. It annoys me so much…. When I reached home during my visits for holidays, my family will inform me, ths and that did called me…. everytime I reached home, as in no other news I should listen instead of the person….

Then, I can’t hardly out… even staying at home… Knwoing they will come looking for me at house… or knowing I might bump into them while outing… You know how it feels? Feel like a shit, when I have my own life, but I have to control my own life because of them…. It sucks when you want to go somewhere but the canceled just because of the worry-ness you will run into them… Damn!

What they actually want from me? They want me, to be with them again…. Engaging and when the time comes, getting married…. Silly right????? They’re forcing me… and putting pressure on me… It’s a big burden on me…. When I realized I’ll be alone, nothing else on mind… I will start to think how can I avoid him if so? Even though I am not living with my parents again, they still come to my house as in they still very confident I am still living with my parents… Crazy right????

I just don’t know…. Don’t know what to do…. Highlighting here….cause I know he will be reading this… I am going to Bintulu with Cyril, and I hope he will stop what ever he is doing… It’s not only troubling me, but also my family… enough is enough!!! When I said it’s over, I really meant it… we’re over and stop chasing me like I’m yours!!!! It’s been two years since the day I asked for the break up… so stop it!!!

Hahahahaha I’ve got nothing and don’t know what to update about… Blogging seems boring nowadays…. Being in a hectic days, It just no awesome to blog… I live in people’s cares… I mean, I have to consider this and that on what I should and should not post about… That is BULLSHIT!!!! caused me lost my interest in blogging… Damn!!!

Yeah… this maybe harsh…. The tiltle for my post about few harsh words I don’t really like to use and people use it to me… I maybe sometimes using it(sorry), but then I will for sure regrets on using it… I’m not sure why, but for me, I just hate it the words… It’s dirty, shows you’re in a very bad manner, uncivilzed… and so on… Myabe me too sometimes categorized as that… LOL cos sometimes I used it too even in my post… hahahaha

okay,okay…. I can accept people using these few words if I know they were very **** angry… (I don’t want to use it again LOL)… but some people,let say one of my friend… that dirty words will never stop coming out from her mouth… Ada saja nak di curse dia tu…. and sometimes, I feel a little bit uneasy with her… just because of her words…

Some people too will said, apa la amiey tok… bukan nya terok ney pun words ya… but this is me… Not to say I am a good girl… but For me, the word is harsh, and should not be used unless you’re angry… I know sometimes, how mad you’re it’s sometimes hard to control what you going to say… so, being with me around, you should know what you should not say…

These are few words my friend always say in front of me, which will turn my mood spoiled even though she didn’t mean to use it to me… She maybe use it when she drpped off something… but I just hate it….

She always use Fuck, kimak, sial, cibai…. and even the dirties word which part where only girls own it… you know what I mean??? She will say it out, even in the crowd the name of the ladies part… I maybe look okay, but I know my mood will turned bad  then… She is a girl some more… when a girl saying that so much, I feel like, she is not a girl… And a girl should be more careful with what they’re saying… This is me… I hate those whom keep saying bad words… Huhuhuu

What else? she will too say the boy’s part… yeah, again… even in the crowd… you see, how bad is that?  some people might say, this show on how sporting she is… for me,yeah… she is so sporting… but when it comes to too much and even could not cover her mouth in the crowd, it’s no more sporting… it’s totally insane… I just can’t help myself to scold my friend if she were to use that kind of words… she too loves displaying her middle finger… And when she shows it, she will say FUCK!! you see, how harsh is that… and I hate it so much!!!!

If my friend is reading this… you can scold me or what… I jsut want you to stop using those in front of me… or just stop using it… you’re a lady now… and should be more matured about this… so, please, stop it… if you always use this words in front of me, no wonder soon we will fight just because of this… you know how I hate so much that kind of words, I hope you can stop using it my Dear friend…. please, no offence…

I went to this event  after receiving the  last minutes invitation from my friend… Happened at Kuching Amphitheater, I could just say, this event, or to be more specific, this time Battle of the Band was the boring-est BOTB I’ve ever been too… It was juts worst… With the main title, Chill @ The Park, I found myself was not chilling anything… I was just enjoying myself meeting my old friend… She was my classmates which then transferred to Miri for SMT… Namely Frisca, she invited me through Steffina which can’t come for personal reason…

I was just so happy in the sense that, I was thinking of this happening event, and I’ll be there…. But when I reached there, the place seemed so empty (maybe because of the rain), and even worst, the sound systems was very damn poor… They should make sure of the systems first before the bands perform… It was a very bad situations where you heard only bassist instead of the singers…. The lighting too was bad… it make my eyes feel sick looking at the stage… They turned they lights to us, not to the bands… and yet, the lights were too bright… and it turned the photos taken to be burst…

Some maybe says, the place is wrong… They should gather the people in a small size place to make it more happening… yeah, I agree… I just can’t take any other reasons, why did they make it they? Place with plenty of parking, place with a huge perimeter (which make the place hard to be covered by the crowds)…. When you can’t enjoy the sound systems, you too can’t enjoy the songs sangs… and your mood too spoiled when you can’t enjoy the happening environment… All few new local bands such as Nash, Rona and so on were there… But it was kind of broken when the sound system need to be so timing to be prepare for next songs…  We left the place soon after the United Kids of Oi done with their songs… waited for few minutes after that to see the band from Ipoh, but it was so timing that they were still preparing for the sound systems… and I was too hungry… so, we left without watching the Ipoh band… what a boring event!!!

Oh yeah, before going back home, or when for supper, we managed to stop by Jambu Restaurant and Lounge… But we didn’t have any supper there, but just to steal one of the Breeze Magazine they have… LOL The one and only last magazine… thought of stealing three for each, but they have it the last one… so, the only one whom own the magazine is me… hahaha The magazine of Breeze issue 16, has my picture in it… Picture taken by Fahriee if I’m not  mistaken during the launching of Breeze Magazine… This is huge!!! Invited to happening event in VA for Breeze, and now got my picture in breeze Magazine which is for the whole Borneo including Brunei… AWESOME!!!!

Yeah…sadly to mention, I missed the Gundam Showcase during the ICATS exhibition…. Apparently Cyril went there yesterday,and he said sort like no Gundams at all, so I thought what’s worth going if there is nothing I can see… But I assuming things wrong… *sad*… Wanted to see Gundam showcase so much… I got into very worst mood ever when I didn’t get the chance to see those…. Haiyak…

Today, as planned…. Me and Cyril with few other Cyril’s students went to Sentosa Sports Center to play badminton… They were Joseph, Amadeus and Alexson with us…. and comparing few other games we played before this, I enjoyed so much playing badminton today… Even though I was not that thrill in playing badminton, or some might say, KICK ASS… but who cares? I play for fun… and to make myself sweat over few days staying at home doing nothing except taking foods non-stop…

I was enjoying myself beating each of them… Taking the title “Winner Stays”, the game was played until no ones could stand to play anymore… Even though lose over few of them, I am so much proud of myself… I could play well over few years didn’t take badminton in my sports list... I am more into futsal…why? I can run,and hardly jump…. and that, I stopped playing badminton… even I was the badminton captain for school since I was form one until form three… Even now, I take every of my steps carefully in order to make sure my back is okay… I just want to avoid back pain after enjoying so much in sports… It’s not worth it to be in pain after that…

By the way, since that Cyril and few other people keep on bla,bla,bla on my weight… I started to eat so much nowadays… Putting on weight… But It’s hard… very hard… I tend to eat so much, but end up “beria”… why? I can’t eat too full… Or at least, I can only stand to eat once per day…. If I were to eat three times per day, I will end up throwing away all my digested foods out again…. So,any tips on how can I put weight on myself? I really need it… most people said my body is getting smaller and smaller… even my little sister is bigger than me… And my family even said, little sister looks like big sister… and the big sister looks like a small sister… and what? I hate when they said that… And that’s why I really want to put weight on myself… But I’ll make sure I won’t be too fat… Just enough so that every one will not complain about my small size especially this recently…

Thanks to Cyril because willing to have fun bringing me to badminton training today… and thanks also to Joseph, Alexson and Amadeus!!! Great to have badminton training with you guys!!!

Updating the deleted last post on amieymisme

If you guys notice, there was one latest post I made before this, but now, no more… I have deleted it as it was too personal… I think I should just keep it by myself… but thanks to Willie and Deedee for commenting… Really appreciate what you guys said…

I have not updated this blog since the revealing post… I think I should do something… it’s hard to think the topic to be updated… Haiya…

Oh yeah, about Digi… I’ve changed to new number since I could not stand of people stalking and disturbing me… thought to have new number which will be choose by me and number related to me, but then, canceled… frust but never mind… it was just a number…

Boring post by me… to all friends and fellow bloggers whom still keep my old number in their saves, you may ask Cyril about my new number if you need to contact me…

All I could say, this time I will be picky in who can keep my number… even you’re my best friend… sometimes, best friend hardly to be trusted… I have asked Cyril to consider people whom asking about my number… surely, other bloggers and friends are allowed but certain friends should be re-consider… I am so much worry I will be disturbed again in the future… I aimed this will be the last time I changed number…

So, this is the best way… avoiding too many people to know about my new number… even my own family… well, sometimes my sister gave my number to her friends whom admiring me… that silly!! People whom are asking Cyril about my new number will be discussed by us whether we could trust the person or not… I’m still in Digi line and I no more interested in 87 at the end numbers…

To all my ex-classmates, you may ask me about my number in our class Friendster account… but too, it’s up to me whether I will give it to you or not… besides, you all maybe knew my house phone number, any thing, you may call my house phone…

Oh yeah, what do you think…? I worked in Hilton few months ago right? I quit my work over few things especially Richard sexual harassment… which was at first called the shop and even knew my name… asking for an outing and even sex with him… the next day, he went to the shop and met my friend and asked about me… so,who should I blame on? My tauke or my colleague? Who do you think will mostly give my details to this sex maniac? He knows my name on the first call he made… he even know where the shop were… so? my tauke? Or my colleague were the one whom revealed about me until I am disturbed until this much… and plus, nowadays I heard my grandma’s complaint there are my male friend always calling me using the house phone… and who knows, this sex maniac has known my house phone number… that’s why I am asking for the readers opinion… would have my tauke or my colleague are doing this? I mean, revealing about my details….

I was just got home from my village in Bau… went there yesterday as I considered all things and even got forced by parents and auntie and grandparents… before, I agreed just to come by but not staying but then, I called my auntie asking about her coming, and she said she was at Bau already and asked me to come over… I said I’d come but no staying… but then she said if I’m not staying she will cry over the night… so, my parents also agreed me to stay there… they said if my Cyril is home, there will be no chance I’ll be staying in village like this… so, I think and think and decided just to stay for a night… and wished not to be late home the next day (today)…

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